After the Baby Carriage - by Rebecca Black

It’s All About the Cake


I love birthdays. An entire day dedicated to toasting the day of your arrival…what’s not to love? And birthday parties, well, that is the best part of having a birthday. A party of one or a party of 50, as long as there is a FABULOUS cake, I am a happy girl. Of course, friends and family add to the celebration; but isn’t it REALLY about the cake?

We are halfway through our first year of preschool and knee-deep in birthday parties. I laughed out loud this week when I outlined our weekend schedule in an email to my husband so he could work in a tennis match, or two. It looked a little something like this…

On Saturday at 10 AM Rosemary will be turning 4, the afternoon is wide open and we have a sitter on Saturday night (woohoo!). As for Sunday, it is going to be a bit of a blur. Mass is a must as Avery has Faith Formation and can’t miss (might be nice to grab a family brunch afterward). Then, we have a double header. At 1:30, Avery and I will celebrate with Mollie (you can hang out at home while B naps). Then, we’ll meet you at 4 PM, and raise our juice boxes to Lilly as she turns the big 3.

This is not an unusual weekend, either. And this weekly email, breaking it down for my counterpart, simply sets his “down time” expectations since he will sometimes be babysitting at home and other times assisting with the toddler management at the parties. When did we become the weekend party shuttle?

I can tell you when…the day we said, “It’s time to go to school.” A preschool classroom is a ready-made birthday party list. You could probably even print labels from the online school directory. So, you see, this constant birthday party bonanza is self-inflicted and was bound to happen. Chalk it up to another rite of passage on this roller-coaster ride called parenthood.

For the most part, the party parade of the past year has had much more upside than down. A time-suck, absolutely, but sharing the experience with friends, old and new, makes these little get-togethers worth looking forward to each weekend. Some of us are in the thick of it with our firsts, and others are seasoned veterans on the party circuit. All of us, though, through conversations, which are constantly being interrupted, and multi-tasking attention spans, ARE making connections, building our village, and having a little “grown-up” fun of our own.

Our village, so far, is filled with interesting residents and personalities with enough in common to make us increasingly more comfortable together each weekend. Happily, I’ve discovered that our village is lacking something that I’ve heard is common in other villages…the birthday party competition. For now, I think we truly get one another and know that time is too precious to be spent over-planning for three- and four-year-olds. This is not to say some incredible parties haven’t been thrown…because they have. There is simply no pressure, which we all can use a little less of anyway.

Approaching the end of my rookie season as a preschool party mom, I’m strangely giddy about the party survival tidbits I have learned along the way. Apparently, these days, it is totally the little things that float my boat.

For instance, I now have a shelf in one of my closets that is the “birthday gift” shelf. I got this idea from my good friend and neighbor Lisa Ogle—the Queen of “homespun,” back-yard birthday parties. She has a whole closet dedicated to birthday gifts and picks up goodies along the way so the loot doesn’t run low. Since I always give books for gifts, I only need a shelf…a good thing because storage is not plentiful in my early 1900s Craftsman home. As my kiddos grow to love certain (obscure and not always the most “popular”) books, I order several of each for our shelf. Chances are, if my two- and three-year-old like them so will their mates.

Also, books are great gifts for those well-meaning invitations that announce, “No gifts please.” This is really just parents explaining, “We have too much junk already; please don’t add to it,” or empathizing, “We totally get that you have to buy a million birthday gifts this year and are giving you an out for this party.”

We give books because they blend pleasure with the practical; and if parents truly want no gifts, they will have no problem donating a book or re-gifting it at another party down the line. I just don’t want to be the one person who reads that line on the invitation and actually shows up empty handed.

Keeping our birthday shelf well stocked, therefore, means no last-minute trips for me to the toy store for Timmy’s gift or Sally’s “happy,” no stressing out about what this particular child (whom I might not even be able to identify in a lineup) might want, no pressure to find the perfect gift. To save even more time, I keep the wrapping paper, tissue paper, and ribbon galore in this closet …I just can never find the roll of tape!

Another tidbit common to all preschool parties is the need to keep the wild ones busy. Bounce Houses, check. A gym full of toddler equipment, check. A party palace devoted to rooms filled with Bounce Houses, check! check! These are the “insta-parties.” Nothing says birthday fun like a giant bounce house. And, frankly, I love these things; they are a one-way ticket to a great night’s sleep.

Also, a celebration table covered with snacks helps tame these wild ones. Preschoolers (and some of their parents) find the minutes between singing, “Happy Birthday” and “the cake is FINALLY in front of me” excruciating. This pain, and the whining that accompanies it, is eased by snacks. In addition, we parents really appreciate the hostess that throws the parent a bone…or at least a drink that doesn’t need to be stabbed by a straw.

Then there’s the painting. Paint their faces; paint their toes; and a clever alternative, paint some canvases in an art studio. Just paint. Kids love paint and are not interested in the Picasso of face painters. I don’t understand hiring face painters; just have a babysitter do the honors and save the cash. A three-year-old couldn’t care less if the unicorn she requested on her face is symmetrical. She just wants to see crazy colors where they don’t belong and feel a little tribal for the day.

Oh, yes, the balloons. Let balloons have a split personality—decorations and party favors. Every kid is going to try to take one anyway, so you might as well make it part of the swag.

My last and final preschool birthday party strategy for parents is “save it for the cake.” The brightest moment in all this fun and folly is the cake; our village adores the cake. Maybe we feel this is our little reward for showing up and behaving. So, I save it. All the calorie intake for that day is saved in hopes of an awesome cake. (Yes, I think there is a little competition among the party cakes…but why wouldn’t there be?). Rarely have I been disappointed by my birthday-party fast.

I’m sure the time will come in my birthday party round-robbins when the one-upping takes over and the niceties of my current village will be a sweet memory, but right now I am enjoying the birthday parties of the present where it is perfectly acceptable not to bring your “A” game and makeup on mommies is optional. And, if you were lucky enough to slip in a weekend gym visit before birthday party time, I will envy your “glistening” and won’t think twice about your gym couture. Or, if I by chance sleep in because I was up all night with our two-year-old—or possibly out too late with my husband—no one will care if we are a bit tardy for the festivities…just so we don’t miss the cake. Because, haven’t you been listening? It really is all about the cake.